150 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts
by Zhibrina
Summary: A comedyparody of the 150 Things Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts and the marysue who traverses them. Rated T for mild language and moderate suggestive moments.
1. Prologue

Hello, my name is Iestyn Tegeirian Ceindrych Gwenfor Hywela, meaning Righteous Fair Beautiful Great One of Eminence, but you can call me Ty since my name is outlandishly and unbelievably (nor realistically) complicated and impossible to pronounce anyhow. My eyes are Reese's Peanut Butter Cup wrapper orange and my hair is highlighter purple. And those colors are natural for me even though no one else on Earth has those colors, even in the magical world. But it's okay because I'm totally a mary-sue. My mother was a pixie and my father was Stan Shunpike, so somehow it all works out even though it can't, and I ended up with beautiful wings that display an array of colors that change with my mood. I was born on Midnight, Halloween. I have a step-twin that Emo-Boy (Draco) told me about, but she won't come up again really because this is all about me. You can read more about her and Ways To Annoy Voldemort by going to the page of user id 881646. if it's not up there now, it'll come soon.. eventually... So, back to me. Now I'm in my 6th year at Hogwarts, same age as Harry Potter of course. Watch as I automatically am accepted into a school and a world where I blatantly previously had not existed at all. And I have fun. Lots of fun. Welcome to 150 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts. 


	2. Spoons, Bees, & Steve Irwin 1&2

It's the first real day of classes and I'm more than a little groggy from the weed that will never be told that I actually smoke. I'm an extremely rich white bitch; what else would I do? I fall out of bed and get dressed: highly hemmed skirt, no gray sweater, tie loose, and blouse unbuttoned down to my bra. I somehow get away with this because everyone loves me. I was created that way. If there's one complaint I have about my body, it's that my boobs are too big. I'm a 20DD and they are soo not optimal for aerodynamics. So, I stumble into the Hall for breakfast. Next to the Hufflepuff table, I trip over a spoon and fall, yet still retain all my eminating grace and dignity. Since I'm soo popular, boys flock to my aid. I grabbed the spoon that I had tripped over as the boys help me up, straightening my clothes and my delicate yet undamaged wings. I look up at the Hufflepuff in front of me and poke him with the spoon. He squeaks. I giggle. I poke him with the spoon again. He squeaks. I giggle. I try it on other Hufflepuffs. I'm rather amused. But apparently I'm not supposed to do this. So I stop and suddenly realize I'm surrounded by a bunch of yellow and black stripedy things. "BEES! BEES!" The poor little Hufflepuffs start to panic. Then I realize that it's just their house colors. "Ha Ha! Your colors make you look like you are covered in bees!" They go dejectedly back to their table (but of course, they still love me; everyone loves me). "Bees.. Bees... Bees... Hm. Reminds me of 'b'... Now I know what I'm thinking! Pythagorean Theory: (b (+ or -) square root of (b2 - 4ac)) / 2a!! Relish in my smartness and beauty!" Harry Potter runs up to me and kneals, "Oh, Ty! Please let me abandon all I know and love, ignore my beliefs, and defy every ounce of my sensibility and nature to be your boyfriend in a relationship showered in love and plenty and snogging and would never in a million years have happened had I any say in what this maniac of a writer is typing!!" I smile, slow-motion glitteryness enhancing my beautiful skin and sparkling eyes... "Okay." We hold hands, snogging as we walk, as we go to Care of Magical Creatures class, even though Harry and I don't really have this course this year. As Hagrid brings out a Lobalug, I break out into an Australian accent: "Now, here we have the dangerous Lobalug. It is native to the North Sea. When it feels threatened, it shoots out a spray of poison at it's attacker. It is also used by Merpeople as a weapon." I go up to it and reach out to touch it. "This sea-cucumber-like creature is VERY dangerous. You should NEVER even get near one!" It sprays me with poison. But in my eminent grace, I cast a spell to block it. Harry swoons. "That was close oh-beloved-i'm-compelled-to-adore-even-though-you're-waaay-too-boring-and-over-rated." I beam, my teeth a bright as an overly-amazing analogy I don't feel like thinking up. "I know. I'm amazing." Hagrid shakes his head dissappointedly. "You shouldn't make fun of him so soon after he's died. It's tactless. You fail the course for being a stupid bitch." "Will you pass me if I sleep with you?" "Okay, but bring your extra credit project for Herbology."

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requesting dirty jokes about olive wood's name. i already have a few, but i'd like to get y'all involved in this as well ;P and don't worry, you'll get credit for your jokes 


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